Confession

This morning I had the opportunity to write again. It was the first time in four weeks. Four weeks of sick kids, being sick myself, my husband getting it too (a rare occurrence), of sleepless nights and days, of doctors, and clinics, and antibiotics.

When I was a kid I remember being sick for 2, maybe 3 days. A really bad one was a full week. When did they become month-long events??

(Luckily, I had downloaded Linda Cassidy Lewis’s debut novel, The Brevity of Roses to my iPhone to read during all this. I encourage you to read it. She has delivered engrossing characters that struggle with life, love, and acceptance of self and circumstance. Although the characters are all adults, I almost feel it’s a coming of age story, because the MC struggles so much to come to his own. Plus, Linda’s prose is beautiful and elegant. I’m almost at the end of the novel, and although I’ve read it scattered in time due to my own circumstance, the characters remain in my thoughts.)

When my mom (aka, my knight in shining armor) this morning told me I could go write, I stopped still. I didn’t know what to do. I had buried the writing so deep inside me I wasn’t certain I wanted to pull it out again.

I analyzed: baby woke me about 12 times last night. We both are still drippy, but oh so much better. Yet, we have swimming lessons, one hour diving lesson, both kids have piano practice. I have violin practice. Dinner. Math and reading with the eldest. And the baby to appease during all of it. Write?? She must be nuts! How will I write and have energy to do everything else?

So, I sat down and watched a few minutes of a PVRd sitcom (happy endings), baby clambering all over me, and decided, yes I must go write, whether I want to or not. And, really truly, I did not want to.

I had decided I was a writer. So, that means pushing through moments when I don’t want to write.  Because, nothing is eternally blissful, right? Sometimes it sucks and is difficult.

I had no idea how to come back. I ordered my latte and chocolatine, took out my journal, wrote exactly that: How to come back?

Well, to my surprise and delight, deciding to do it was enough. (This time.)  I came back right away. I refreshed myself in my journal, reminded myself where I was by jotting down a few phrases, read without interruption the scene I was at, and dug in.

It was great!! Wonderful! Energizing!

So, I’m back. I have no idea what’s coming, but today I wrote and I feel restored.

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12 thoughts on “Confession

  1. I’m so happy for you! I haven’t been away because of sickness, but because of all the publishing/marketing work, and I’m struggling to get back to writing. It’s taken me two weeks to write what I normally would in two days.

    It sounds like you went to a coffee house to write, yes? Maybe that’s what I need to do. Do you write your fiction by hand? I have no discipline with a computer that has internet access, so I’ve been wondering if I should try writing longhand … even though my handwriting is almost indecipherable.

    1. Linda, I think your writing has to go on hold now to do the marketing. It’s impossible to do both I think, especially when one is flying solo.

      I do most of my work in a cafe. Something about the hum drum of it really gets me focused. I am so much more efficient at the coffee shop (and I turn my airport off, so no internet). Maybe it’s about a defined work period, but I don’t know, ’cause even if I stay home to work during a given time I never produce the same as when I’m out. odd isn’t it?
      And no, I certainly don’t write by hand. I wouldn’t have the patience to transcribe it all! Kudos to those who do!!

  2. I’m so glad you’re all on the mend. Bugs do seem to last longer recently (they’re getting tougher), but then, when you were a child you had only yourself to manage 😉

    What an inspiring story of coming back. Something about the way you described your journey makes me want to rush away from work and start writing. I’m glad you’re energized!

  3. Glad to see that you’re back, Jennifer. Sometimes life can be a struggle, and fitting in that writing time can seem nearly impossible. Linda’s novel sounds great. I’m so pleased for her.

    1. Yes, finding the writing certainly does seem impossible most days. That’s why, for me at least, it has to be forced, otherwise it just won’t happen.

      And Linda’s novel is great 🙂

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