Am I doing something wrong?

Last night I had a temper tantrum.

I realized it was going to be summer vacation in three weeks! I was supposed to be just about done my WIP at this point! The summer was going to be for beta readers and then a final round of adjustments. The thing is, you see, I’m nowhere close. I mean I’m so far from the final product that I’m beginning to wonder if I’ll ever make it to the end.

“I must be doing something wrong!” I yelled. “How can I be working on the same novel for so long and still be editing the beginning?”

The problem is I keep having new story, and when you have new story you have to go back to the beginning and write in this new story. 

The result is that I’m still editing Part 1. Then of course I have Parts 2 & 3 to tackle, right?

I’m often frustrated lately, I feel stuck. I’m not blocked, I’m working every moment I have, but I keep re-working things until they will be to my liking and I’m at the point where I feel this will never happen. I’m scared that the new story situation will never end, and although I fundamentally know this is not true, it still feels like it. In addition, like most of us, I feel that I just don’t have the necessary hours of work time to bring this WIP to its completion.

I ask you, are you resigned to the fact that writing a novel requires time?

I tell you that I’m not. I still fight it, giving myself unrealistic deadlines, thinking that there must be a way to do things more efficiently. And every so often I do wonder, Am I doing something wrong?

 

when panic sets in

You have everything under control.

You’re first draft has been written and re-written and you finally see where things are supposed to going, precise details and all.

You have outlined your work and adjusted for discrepancies and holes. You have deleted scenes and added in missing ones.

Now, you think you are ready to take those next to final steps when you read, and comment, and then go back in and edited for voice, style, description, setting, etc.

But then you realize it: There are more holes! Hang on, my whole time frame in these scenes is off. And this scene – what does it do? It doesn’t move the story forward at all! And wait, neither does this one!

And you have to outline again, and then you find more holes and more discrepancies, and you think *#$*#* will this never ^&*%*&^$ end!!!

And your mind whirls, and you want to scream and throw something. But, you can’t, because really you’re doing all this ’cause you’re writing one damn good novel, and you’re  taking all the steps to get to that fantastic end product.

Even if there are a hundred, a thousand steps more than you thought you would have to take.

Of course, I’m talking about me, and the part about writing one damn fantastic novel is brain washing.

 

 

Don’t touch that!

Today I’m like a child. The alternate ego in me, the mother, keeps telling myself NO. Don’t do that! Bad hand! Get away from the computer.

 

Nothing seems right. I’m second guessing every step I’ve taken in this novel. I want to change everything, cut, delete, rip, shred, and, and then what? I’m throwing a temper tantrum and I don’t even know what I want, or where I want to be.

It should be like this – yes – brilliant!

No! Makes no sense, that’s so out of character!

Step away from the computer. Ok, ok, if you’re good, and don’t touch anything you can write a crazy blog post where you’re seen yelling at yourself. I was good, so here I am.

It’s so hard not to go in and undo everything, but I have to.

On the days when it all seems like crap, step away.

Tomorrow, or maybe the day after, it’ll all be bright, shiny, and beautiful again.